Some couples come into therapy to heal from affairs/infidelity. The process of therapy can shed light into the "root" of the "problem," as affairs are often a symptom of a more deeply-rooted issue. While one party is dealing with grief and loss, as well as shame, the other party may be dealing with intense anger and [...]
Just as we "digest" food in our bodies, for good health we also need to "digest" our emotions and feelings. Some of us may have the tendency to sweep feelings under the carpet, or to tell ourselves to "get over it." This build-up of undigested stuff could be contributors to a sense of anxiety and/or depression, [...]
This week I presented an "Adaptation to Canada" talk at the "Welcome to Canada" series organized through the Central Vancouver Island Multicultural Society. When we relocate to a new country or city, many stress factors come into play, i.e. navigating job search; cultural/language differences; new friendships/relationships. In addition, we are grieving the family/relationships, country or city/hometown [...]
Our modern society seems to thrive on activity, accomplishments, "being on the go." The costs include the following: running on adrenaline, running on empty, lack of rest and restoration, and being out of balance. Check out this quiz to see if you are suffering from being overscheduled? This link also includes useful information about sleep, stress, [...]
I am familiar with that tendency towards my own auto-pilot, i.e. reacting in a particular way to someone close to me (getting angry, or avoiding). Pema Chodron, in her book Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears asks us to think about which wolf we want to feed -- the wolf whose stomach [...]
Many of us, including myself, have played the role of "pleaser" in order to be loved and accepted. We may be familiar with being guilt-prone and with living with the voice of "shoulds." The following paragraph is excerpted from Wikipedia's description of Guilt (emotion): {Alice Miller claims that "many people suffer all their lives from this [...]
If we were holding on to a tree for safety, we wouldn't be at the top of the tree - succumbing to winds, rains, and storms. Similarly, living in our head can be dangerous - like the "monkey mind" where we never feel settled and balanced. Instead, it would be wise to hang on to the [...]
When a couple's relationship is stressed, often there is a reduction in caring behaviours -- verbal or non-verbal expressions of interest, respect, concern, and affection. Both partners are likely waiting for good feelings to return before acting positively towards each other. An effective way to jump start the relationship is to consciously increase the rate of [...]
My favourite book on grief is Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar. He notes that "love and grief are inextricably intertwined." It is good to remind ourselves that because we love, we grief. If our love is deep, our grief is deep. Just as love is a natural part of being human, so is grief. Grief is [...]
Brian Luke Seaward in his book Stand Like Mountain, Move Like Water, said: "To see the entire picture, we must remember that creating a space is essential for acquiring new insights." He includes a quote from Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching: "Thirty spokes share the centre of one wheel; Consider that the hole of [...]